frosting and soup.

it's raining, thundering, all that good stuff.

i like this season. fall. autumn. whatever you call it. the autumnal equinox. the weather is great. it can rain, snow, be warm, be cool, be cold. it can be anything. the flowers are out just a little bit longer. everything is still green. the leaves eventually change colors to reveal their lovely colors hidden by the monotonous green all summer.

and i'm ill. thanks to algiukas. stuffy/runny nose, maybe a slight fever? it's lovely really...
all i've eaten today is soup, more soup, a few cookies, and some cream cheese frosting.

it just started raining really hard. you can hear it on the roof. i wish i wasn't feeling yicky. i would love to be outside now. standing there. letting myself get completely soaked by the chilled, quickly falling water drops till i got so wet nothing would be dry. then come inside, get a towel, and soon afterwards, change into some fresh, warm clothes.
wouldn't it be nice.

andrei left his phone at his house today. i hate when he does that. it's just weird not hearing from him all day till he finally ends up back where he began his day.

i'm nearly done with school.
i need to fill out internship paperwork and find somewhere to intern. to get one hundred fifty of my last few hundred hours left at school.
although, i do enjoy going to shcool a lot more lately. entirely due to the fact that whenever i don't have class or somewhere i absolutely should be, i help emily at the reception desk. i enter information into the computer, check people in, check people out and what not. i really enjoy doing that a whole ton better than whatever it is i used to do before i started helping out there. even one of the teachers, katie, on saturday came to me and told me that i look a lot happier up at the front desk. she must have noticed me moping around school a few weeks ago.
i like doing paperwork.
and sitting at the computer all day.
i lose track of time even. to the point where i don't take a lunch unless i absolutely feel hungry and realize it or if ally kidnaps me.
i don't know what i'll do when school is over.
i wish i had a plan.
some goals would be nice.
i have none.
no plan.
no goals.
often times, i feel out of it to the point where very little amuses me and i just wander nearly like a zombie. i can be emotionless too if you let me.
i wish my parents would have agreed and helped me go to school away somewhere. then i would have been living what i wanted. somewhere away from home, going to classes, doing homework, doing art, and possibly even in a figure skating club or a dance company with school.
nope.
i'm stuck.
at home.
for what feels like forever.
eating dinner with the family.
listening to my brother aimlessly scream at the computer screen while not so secretly using andrei's headphones/mic without permission to his online friends while playing some game.
most of the time i just want to be somewhere else.
so i just close my door and sit there. or wander without a purpose on random websites. shopping. facebook. myspace. the usual.
or i watch stupid tv shows.
but lately, i've started to read again.
a lot.
i realize now how much i used to read when i was younger. and how much i miss it.
last week i read two books totalling to at least a thousand pages in five days. one of them, i read in one day. it took just about every free minute i had, but i thoroughly enjoyed every second.
and now, i'm nearly done with another that i just started on thursday.
i'll have to find my way to the library, or even better, a bookstore sometime very soon.
and soon enough, i'll most definately need to find more room to store my collection.

dinner time is starting to annoy me more and more.
everyone just sits, hunched over their filled plate, scooping forks full of food into their open mouths. it's quite unpleasant. the conversation can be amusing at times, but more often than not lately, i just find myself wishing to be almost anywhere but there.
i've found that i used to hate missing dinner with the family. i would cringe when i would miss it and the meal would promise to be delicious.
lately, however, i've realized that i care less and less if i miss a meal if i'm out with friends. or staying late at school. no matter how good the food is to be. it'll be there when i get home ready to be put on a plate, then placed in the microwave for a minute or so to be reheated and eaten whenever i get hungry later on.



anyway, i put off finishing typing and posting this for a few hours and don't even know what more i had to say. that's alright i guess.
who wants to read about my emo thoughts anyway, right?

<3