seriously?

I honestly do not understand why i have to apologize and make things right when i never did anything wrong. when i came here, i must have not known that i would have to try *this* hard to not be myself just to please people. i should have known. i'm never going to be who they want me to be. and really? why does it matter so much? i didn't agree to marry them. i agreed to you.  you like me. i think.  so why does it matter so much what they have to say. it just doesn't make sense.  i mean, i understand the thought process, but it doesn't mean it's logical or right.
you try so hard to please everyone.  you can't do that.  you may think they matter, but they don't so much.  you can't even see the only one that matters.  He's everywhere.   come on now, you should know this. do you seriously sit through church, listen, think it's so insightful, then go and forget it all?  or throw it in the back of your mind for a discussion you may have with someone in the future that is going through a tough time or that could use some real advice just to make yourself sound so brilliant and have them admire your life you seem to live but not actually live it yourself?  
i just don't understand.  
i didn't do anything wrong.  whatever it was i was aware of, has been discussed and is long behind me.  why can't it be behind you too?  move on and live your life not being a 40-year old emo child.  that is simply pathetic and a waste of time. think about what you're doing.  whatever the issue is now, is not my fault, i think you like pity parties, don't you?  you like people feeling bad about themselves when they listen to what you say.  you think it works because you cry, they cry, it's all good, then they feel bad, and do what you want.  sorry buddy, that's not how it works.
i don't want to say anything.  don't want to make you cry your eyes out and me look like i don't care.  really, i just understand your thought process, but don't show any sympathy.  it's self-imposed conflict.  you can't control the world, sorry, that position is already filled.
maybe if you tried to be kind that would help, no?  sure, i understand 'your way of showing you love someone' is by being overly concerned and self-inflicting worry on yourself and trying to take things into your hands, but honestly, that is not beneficial to anyone.  you can be concerned about someone without making their life miserable every time you want to show you care.
if this is how it has to be, then i'm done.  it's not worth your effort.  it's not worth listening to my frustrations every time something comes up and then feeling attacked.  i don't try to be rude.  it comes off that way, sure, but really, i'm just trying to knock sense into you and i realize my tone of voice goes from understanding to having a cutting edge to it the longer the 'discussion' or 'talk' goes on and you don't realize what's going on.  it's not worth your frustration with me when you think that i'm just attacking you and am against everything you say.  i'm not.  i don't think anyone really understands how my brain works.
make a change for the better.  listen to what you hear.  it works.  pay attention to details, learn how people work, how they function.  it makes everything easier.  but i suppose not everyone has the interest of the perception to do so.
i am nice to everyone.  whether they want to see that or not, is up to them.
i'm not saying i'm amazing and perfect.  clearly, i'm not.
i'm not going to just do something because you tell me to.  just to make you pleased with me. just to make you stop being concerned.
i'll do something if i see it be fit.  i'll do it if i see and can tell you won't just keep asking for more.  you shouldn't be concerned about things you don't even know.
this is just so out of hand it's ridiculous.


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