hmm...

ok, so i really thought i started this blog thing up a while ago, but i guess not. anyway....
SO, I feel like a bum right now. Everyone else at Lewis is taking finals this week and I somehow magically don't have anything to do. My only final was a 'take home' physics one and i got it done in maybe 45 min and turned it in the next day. done. So this week, rather than going in to my oh so super favorite place in the whole wide world... Lewis. whoo. I've been doing a lot of not much. Monday I well, played Sims and made an apple pie. Tuesday I went to Orland, did some shopping. Wednesday- i guess that was today, hmm. I wrapped some presents, watched tv, made some hot chocolate mix... now i'm here. i've done a whole lot of NOTHING! and it hasn't even been a whole week yet. i only start class again January 17th!!!! ik. so looong. I guess I shouldn't complain. I really really dislike Lewis.

I cannot wait for next school year. Well, first I need to apply to some places, but I'm certainly not staying at Lewis. I would like to be at Western Michigan, studying elementary education and art, all the while making new friends, meeting new people, and unless I fall in love with snowboarding enough to join their team, figure skating once again and competing. i want to skate so bad. i dont even know if its explainable how much i want to skate and compete again. right now, pretty much one of like, my top three things i want to do is to learn how to do a double jump. that would be amazing. watching skating on tv and the cutting edge movie surely do not help my cause. watching skating only makes me want to skate even more. i'm hoping my mom will agree to pay for some coaching and ice time... she agreed to it a few months ago, but i never did, so maybe i will now? i hope so. i really want this.

oh, so i was thinking, what in the world can you learn in class to teach you to be a teacher? i think i'd be fine as of now without any formal training, but i guess it would be somewhat helpful? i dont even know. and the art classes are totally in there just for fun. yep. oh, i have painting next semester, so excited, ive always wanted to learn to paint and i hope this actually helps.
next semester is going to flyyyy by. jan 17th i go back, feb has no breaks, march will be crazy. spring break march 3-11 and then i'll be in MEXICO march 16-23. SO EXCITED for that trip. i'm going with my grandparents and cousin Laura. grandparents are way cool and my cousin, i dont spend nearly enough time with her (kind of a story behind why... kinda long and i'm not sharing), but totally should b/c she is wayy coool too. i hope it'll be fun and i'm not just getting excited for nothing... and i hope all that school i'm missing will be worth it. i figure, all i really have to do is pass and get into WMU b/c the gpa's start fresh once you transfer... and plus do gpa's in college really matter? i don't really think so... anyway, so after mexico, like a week and a half later, easter break april 5-9 then 3 1/2 weeks before finals. it'l fly by, then i'll be out of there. summer break! sunshine, beach, basketball, sitting outside, reading... summer is so great. and then i shall start fresh at a new school once more, but i'm like 99% sure i'll like it better.
so when i was feeding nilla, i was thinking, why am i typing in this blog thing. i'm not so fond of sharing my feelings with the world, or for that matter, most of my friends even. i don't really tell anyone anything. ever. i don't really even know if most of my friends even know as much about me as they think they do... except for maybe two of them and my mom, but even they don't know all that much... its such a pain sometimes keeping everything to myself... that's probably why it takes so long for me to fall alseep. i'm always thinking. about everything. well, i know thats the reason. my family sees me as the crazy weird one that frequently goes insane, people in my classes and my teachers see me as super super quiet, but decently intelligent, and i dont even know what my friends see me as- they i think get some strange mixture between my quiet school self and my crazy family self.

but it is easier for me to put how i feel into words than to actually tell someone, so maybe i will here? don't know, we shall see. ha, maybe no one will even read this ever.

right now, i want a lot... within reach- i'd like to stop eating so much. i think i'm getting back to normal eating wise since i've been on break. school is aweful the way i'm doing it in terms of eating... since the food is so expensive i pretty much have my breakfast, then maybe a granola bar during the day to last till i get home and have dinner then go on an eating rampage to make up for not eating all day, then i go to sleep. i like my 'break' eating schedule better- its like this over summer too.... i have a small breakfast, then every hour or so i have a small snack like fruit, yogurt, string cheese, juice, toast, something like that. oh and i drink a lot of water. a lot a lot. then im in school and its like the world is thrown off. not good. oh and this year i don't have gym. surprisingly i need it. i used to hate it. so i've been doing some running on the treadmill occasionally... one day i went 2 1/2 miles or playing ddr. i cannot just sit around all day. i just can't. thats probably why my family gets the crazy me... cuz i do nothing all day then i just let the energy out at home and just run around and jump and dance and such... ok anyway, so back to what i want...eat less, oh, cut down on all that sugar i've started eating... it is very not good for anyone to eat so much sugar. i'm getting better, once again, it's gotten better since i've started break. school is messing with my eating... i cant wait til next year when i wont have to think about how much my food is costing and just eat when i want. ok, also, well, it'll happen, but i want long hair. i know, i just cut it, but somehow my hair is staying fresh cut healthy, so when its long, i dont think itll have split ends and stuff, so i wont have such a crazy desire to just go chop it all off. ok, what else... well ive already started using less makeup, thank goodness my face skin decided to finally be nice and decently clear. it hasnt since like 7th grade. ik. hmmmm, ok, so theres nothing really in my control right now that i want and can change willingly that i am not already doing now that i think of it. haha. all i really really want now is to ice skate!.

as for stuff i dont really have control over, i would love to be more trusting of people... hmmm, i'd love to stop liking a particular someone- but no matter how much i think i dont like him or dont want myself to like him- i still do- its as if i have no control over it. how messed up is that? i need to get past this whole mess of drama that happened at the beginning of the year. just move on. oh, but i try.

well, i'm getting bored of this, so i'm off to watch tv? or maybe i should sleep seeing as its after midnight... i sleep too much during break. 10 hours is too much. its almost half the stinkin day. 8 hours. cannot wait till my sleep has been caught up with from all that sleep deprived ness of last week- it was really bad. i was so tired every day. once thats done, i'll be back to sleeping almost exactly 8 hours every night unless im super tired. i like that. it was like that over the summer. i woke up 8 hrs after i fell asleep every day. ik. thinking of summer makes me think of nick. he dissappeared from my known world. one day we were talking on aim, the next he never comes online anymore. what happened? i miss talking to him. we were supposed to play tennis before school started. he was one that i feel kind of bad for how i treated him.... we were really good friends as how i see it, but as soon as i'd start feeling like we were getting to be close, friend wise- ya know?, i'd start to pull away and cut off contact, then after a week or a few i'd let him back in to my life. when i think about it now, it sounds like i liked him, but i never did- he walks a lil funny and his voice is annoying sometimes. i still miss him. i want to know he's somewhere and alright.

ik, ok, enough of that. i'm going to the tv or bed. laterz. <3