bridal shower.

yes yes, i know this was a long time ago, but i figure i should write about it before i forget to and the memory gets buried in the back of my brain.


so
i knew i was going to have a bridal shower sooner or later because everyone has one. duh.  and i wanted a tea party.  that's all i knew.


one day, i come home to find my mom and sister making a ton of random food mixutres and tiny bread cut outs. ok, tea sandwiches.  they told me it was for the family get together we were having that weekend and were doing a test run for my party.
i kind of believed them.
i wore my hair in a side braid that day.
my mom talked about teta zita coming down to visit that weekend too.  for random.
for some reason, i half believed her.
the day of the party though, i made sure to dress cute 'just in case' it was actually going to be my shower.
andrei algiukas and i drove in together because viktorija and my mom and dad went early because viktorija wanted to 'play with the dogs'.  i believed it. when we got there, there were a lot of cars, but i figured a neigbor was having a party that day because the only ones i recognized were the normal family ones and they were parked right outside dede jono and kamila's house.  when i walked in though, i was like... whoa!  because it actually was my bridal shower and everyone was there.... megan, sandy, megan's mom, lina, nata, and pretty much every other non-guy family member i could think of.  it was pretty overwhelming.  it was decorated really nicely too.  perfect tea party.  food was amazing.  tea was lovely. desert was yummy.  
it felt like it went by super quickly though, like i barely had enough time for everything to soak in let alone enjoy it all.
i just wanted to walk around and look at everything... all the decorations... spend time with everyone.  it was so crazy.  very overwhelming.  i'm glad i kind of suspected it, but convinced myself they were telling the truth, so it was definately still a surprise.  especially at who actually showed up.
overwhelming.  yes. yes. yes. awesome. yes yes yes.  happy.

dusk.

In case you didn't know, dusk is my favorite time of day.  the colors in the sky are just right, lingering from the preceding sunset, and everything is so calm. just winding down, getting ready to rejuvenate and be energized for the next day.


the days following a snowfall are beautiful.
there's a fresh covering of snow on the ground.  the skies are just about always a beautiful blue and near cloudless.  it's nice after a day or more of solid light gray cloud cover while the snow is floating down.  the sunsets are breathtaking.


today, the sunset was amazing.  so many different clouds, colors, textures.  even a tiny rainbow nestled in there to make the already perfect sunset have a touch of magic.


sky and water are the most perfect things in nature.  they storm up to clear out the weak and old, to make way for fresh beauty.  they're the most amazing textures, colors, patterns... i could just stare at a body of water for hours and be perfectly content.  


being outside is the most refreshing thing there is.  no music, no talking, just listening to the surroundings.  the birds, animals, wind, water, even man made noise like traffic isn't so bad as long as i'm somewhere peaceful and beautiful.


<3 

fine.

if this is how you think it has to be, then so be it.  fine by me.  i've already moved on.




i'm happy.
i'm content.
i'm going to continue having an amazing life, i just know it.  i just am constantly blessed with everything i could ever truly need.
i could take over the world with what i have. if not the world, then at least i could spread my kindness to everyone that is willing to see it and accept it.


<3 

seriously?

I honestly do not understand why i have to apologize and make things right when i never did anything wrong. when i came here, i must have not known that i would have to try *this* hard to not be myself just to please people. i should have known. i'm never going to be who they want me to be. and really? why does it matter so much? i didn't agree to marry them. i agreed to you.  you like me. i think.  so why does it matter so much what they have to say. it just doesn't make sense.  i mean, i understand the thought process, but it doesn't mean it's logical or right.
you try so hard to please everyone.  you can't do that.  you may think they matter, but they don't so much.  you can't even see the only one that matters.  He's everywhere.   come on now, you should know this. do you seriously sit through church, listen, think it's so insightful, then go and forget it all?  or throw it in the back of your mind for a discussion you may have with someone in the future that is going through a tough time or that could use some real advice just to make yourself sound so brilliant and have them admire your life you seem to live but not actually live it yourself?  
i just don't understand.  
i didn't do anything wrong.  whatever it was i was aware of, has been discussed and is long behind me.  why can't it be behind you too?  move on and live your life not being a 40-year old emo child.  that is simply pathetic and a waste of time. think about what you're doing.  whatever the issue is now, is not my fault, i think you like pity parties, don't you?  you like people feeling bad about themselves when they listen to what you say.  you think it works because you cry, they cry, it's all good, then they feel bad, and do what you want.  sorry buddy, that's not how it works.
i don't want to say anything.  don't want to make you cry your eyes out and me look like i don't care.  really, i just understand your thought process, but don't show any sympathy.  it's self-imposed conflict.  you can't control the world, sorry, that position is already filled.
maybe if you tried to be kind that would help, no?  sure, i understand 'your way of showing you love someone' is by being overly concerned and self-inflicting worry on yourself and trying to take things into your hands, but honestly, that is not beneficial to anyone.  you can be concerned about someone without making their life miserable every time you want to show you care.
if this is how it has to be, then i'm done.  it's not worth your effort.  it's not worth listening to my frustrations every time something comes up and then feeling attacked.  i don't try to be rude.  it comes off that way, sure, but really, i'm just trying to knock sense into you and i realize my tone of voice goes from understanding to having a cutting edge to it the longer the 'discussion' or 'talk' goes on and you don't realize what's going on.  it's not worth your frustration with me when you think that i'm just attacking you and am against everything you say.  i'm not.  i don't think anyone really understands how my brain works.
make a change for the better.  listen to what you hear.  it works.  pay attention to details, learn how people work, how they function.  it makes everything easier.  but i suppose not everyone has the interest of the perception to do so.
i am nice to everyone.  whether they want to see that or not, is up to them.
i'm not saying i'm amazing and perfect.  clearly, i'm not.
i'm not going to just do something because you tell me to.  just to make you pleased with me. just to make you stop being concerned.
i'll do something if i see it be fit.  i'll do it if i see and can tell you won't just keep asking for more.  you shouldn't be concerned about things you don't even know.
this is just so out of hand it's ridiculous.


<3

i think this feeling calls for coffee.

I don’t appreciate being ignored for no good reason.
I don’t appreciate being expected to be weak and helpless to you.
I don’t mind talking back sometimes. It gets my point across better.
I wish you would see I just want the best for everyone.
I don’t hate anyone.
Yes, I am manipulative, sorry. Always have been, always will be.
I usually get what I want. It’s not always easy, but it happens. Learn to deal.
Yes, I have patience. You better believe it.
Yes I was raised differently. Doesn’t mean it’s the wrong way, or a bad way. It worked. I’m not evil. Promise.
I don’t give in. unless I see a reason to.
I like to plan things out and know what to expect. I like to organize everything.
Messes drive me nuts. I can’t deal. I wish I could throw everything out a window.
I like doing laundry. I can’t stand it when you don’t take your laundry out when it’s done though.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself. It’s kind of pathetic. And a waste of time.
Worrying is the biggest waste of time ever. Don’t worry, just do something about it. Everything always works out one way or another.
I don’t lie. It takes too much effort.
I’m not just going to tell you what you want to hear to make you happy or leave me alone. I’ll either find a way to avoid saying anything or just tell you what I think.
I think you’re pathetic when you expect everyone to know what you want without questions.
Get rid of that temper. It’s a waste of energy. And time. And happiness.
For every minute you’re worried or angry or confused, that’s one more minute you could have been happy or content or just calmly floating along.
You can’t make decisions for other people forever. People grow up. Everyone has their own brain for a reason.
Gossip is just plain stupid. Don’t talk about how stupid it is, then turn around and spread some yourself.
When something about your personality or habits bothers you, change it. Don’t just be aware of it.
Why waste your time being whiny when you could spend that time being productive.
Why take the long way of doing something when you could get it done in half the time with the same result and move on.
Hurting people is never the answer. Torture them with words if you must. But never be cruel.
An eye for an eye is a stupid concept. Grow up. Do it right.
Just because it wasn’t done your way, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Sorry.
Actually, I’m not sorry. I usually am not. Unless I say so.
Sarcasm is great. People think you’re serious, when you’re really not. And by being sarcastic, you’re not even lying. You’re just amusing yourself and those on the inside with you.
Learn to put together matching outfits. It’s embarrassing.
Learn to put food in your mouth. Not all over the table and yourself.
Hate to break it to you, but family is important. Spend time with them.
Just because people call you lazy, doesn’t mean you have to be. Prove them wrong.
Living in the dark and shadows makes for one gloomy life. Open up the blinds and let in the sun.
Television is a thing made for occasional entertainment. It is not a magical device made to help your life pass by without having to actually do anything.
School is a good thing. It keeps you from being too stupid.
You need to have a job you like. Not one that you’re just good at or capable of. You’ll never be truly happy that way. Figure out what you like to do and figure it out and make it work.
Keep your brain active. Read. Do something. It keeps you from becoming a vegetable.
Being lazy is not a lifestyle. It’s a disease.
Just because I seem upset, doesn’t mean I actually am. Get to know me. That’s just my face.
Small talk does not make friends. It makes a boatload of acquaintances to use if you need them.
Friends are people you hang out with on your own time.
Eat. It’s good for you.
Oh well, I’m not who you want me to be. I am who someone else likes me to be though.
Having a pet is more than just having an eating and pooing machine you need to take care of.
Soy sauce is not the cure-all food flavoring. Neither is salt.
Learn to cook. It’s not that difficult. And it makes you seem cooler than people already think you are.
My life is not your life. Leave me alone. You can be my friend though.
I like my family and friends. They don’t want me to change.  They don't ask me to change just so they would get along with me better or know how to act around me. or talk to me.
The silent treatment is only effective when the other person knows the reason behind it.
I clean your messes because it bothers me. Not because I’m your maid. Learn to clean up after yourself. It doesn’t take long at all.
Remembering things may be difficult, but you can always find a way to remember. Phones and paper are great tools. And so is being organized.
Losing something because somebody else ‘cleaned up’ is pretty silly. Don’t touch other people’s stuff, just bother them to clean it up until they do.
Don’t assume the worst in people. It’s never right.
Don’t complain that something isn’t done right, give suggestions on how to do it right.
Don’t complain that something isn’t good enough, suggest how to make it better.
Don’t do other people’s work for them. It doesn’t help anyone.
Don’t let stuff get to you. Not worth it. Learn to be amused.
Working and thinking about work every waking hour is a good way to waste your life.
Be nice to everyone. You don’t have to like them, just be nice. Treat them like they’re important.
Give compliments. People appreciate them.

If all else fails, float through, get yourself a book and go somewhere. You don’t even need a book. You just need to get out. Anywhere. Away from the negativity. Away from the complaining. The yelling. The lazyness. It’s not worth it. It’s not worth getting sucked in and letting it get to you. Letting it change you. Letting you get on edge. Just not worth it.

<3

thanks california.

California. What more can I say. It really is a mish mosh melting pot of everything. People, food, weather, vegetation, terrain, feelings. Being here is really weird. It’s normal now. Probably because it just feels like a giant Orland or Schaumburg no matter where you go here in LA… the South Bay. It’s really honestly nothing special. If you don’t pay attention to the ocean, beaches, mountains, cliffs and coves. It’s overcrowded, has factories all over the place that make it smelly and have bad air. Don’t even think about spending time outside in the valley in the summer… Woodland Hills etc… unless you love humidity mixed with bad smoggy air intensified by the summer heat. I’ve realized my favorite places in the state are Santa Monica and north of it, south of Long Beach, and east… Palm Desert and Palm Springs. I don’t care what you say, the south bay is not all that beautiful. Perhaps it was at one point, but all of the buildings, homes, and people kind of ruin a good thing. I simply cannot wait to go to my beach in Michigan. Fresh water, small town, sunshine, rain, ice cream. Happy. Salt water stings my skin. But I love standing in the waves at night in Malibu, staring out into the ocean, watching the waves form, feeling the water greet me then swiftly retreat and whenever the wave is large enough, the feeling of the ocean water mist on my face is so nice. If only I could live in my dream every evening.

Most days I’ve been working in the leasing office here. Seaport Luxury Condos and Townhouses. Lovely. You’re looking for a new two bedroom condo with no view and no pool priced between 1800 and 2200 or so with a good chance of getting some of the oh so inconvenient tandem parking spots? You’ve found your place. Sure it’s new, it has a Jacuzzi, two barbeque areas, an outdoor lounge, basketball court, paddle tennis court, ping pong table, fitness center, clubhouse and pool table…. But it also has nowhere to hide. Most of the units’ windows face the courtyards or common areas. Some face the neighboring buildings or the field and old navy housing next to us, which, you guessed it, will be a nice huge development with shops and housing within the next few years. At night, you can hear people in the outdoor lounge through my bedroom window. In the day, you can hear people walking around the courtyards and hallways. The only way to hide- is to leave.

So when you leave, the only peaceful road to take is Palos Verdes Drive North. There’s nothing on it but homes and trees and horse trails. I always take it when I need to go somewhere instead of going with my other option- Pacific Coast Highway. PCH is always crowded, always bustling, always annoying. In the south bay area anyway. If you take it far enough, you can get anywhere. If you’re patient, you can make it to Santa Monica and be happy there. Wander the Pier. If you’re even more patient, you can make it to Malibu.

Going to church here is oh so dull. Most of the time I end up spacing out and admiring the colors my ring is making with the lighting in the room. It’s not that it’s dull and repetitive… not obviously anyway. It starts out upbeat and like a concert, then it turns dull when the pastor takes the stage. He’s too caught up it seems in making the sermons relatable to the people in the area, so guess what he talks about a lot… money. Lovely. Give money to the church! Whatever. I guess some people like it there. I just simply can’t wait to go to my church at home again. Where I actually like to listen. Where I want to be part of the choir, help out doing art with the kids. It shall be nice.

Fuse… the ‘post college’ goup Monday nights isn’t much better. Andrei blames it on the growing numbers of the attendees. I don’t think that’s the cause of anything. Fuse is starting to bore me as well. We have lately been finding ourselves going to “fuse” instead of fuse. “fuse” consists of us pretending we’re going to church, but then actually finding something more interesting to do.

I want pizza.

Last week I worked seven days in a row. That was kind of a nightmare.
At least I get to make cookies and get paid for it every week or so. I like cookies. And I can’t make them for Andrei’s family… if I do, they’re pretty much all gone within 24 hours. Never fails. Flavia and Timmy are the sugar monsters. I think they have a radar for it.
Timmy eats all the time. Eats, and watches tv while reading a book. Brilliant. And he complains all the time. And he waddles. He’s kind of embarrassing to be out in public with.. . and I’ve never said that about anyone before.

I don’t know about Flavia. We don’t really talk much. Then when Andrei and I want to hang out with her, she declines because she has work in the morning and doesn’t want to be out too late. Then some nights when she’s out on her own with her friends or whoever she’s with, she comes home at 1 or 1:30 even sometimes and wakes up just fine for work the next morning. Seriously? She’s kind of my source of amusement now. It’s interesting to see how hypocritical she can be and how strange she thinks. I just don’t get it sometimes.

I can’t wait to get home and be with my friends again. With my family again. It’s been too long. I suppose being gone for such a long time is good for everyone. Maybe my friends will start to be more like friends and we’ll actually hang out more often. Maybe I’ll feel like I actually have a life when we get back. Maybe we’ll go out. I think we will. I think things will be better now.

I’m hungry. Pizza sounds really good right now…

We’re getting married February 27, 2010. Crazy, right? I’m glad I’m getting married young. That way I know that I’ve got someone and I just happen to like him a lot, most of the time. He’s my own personal Edward Cullen. And I’m his klutzy Bella Swan. Yes, I’m reading twilight now. You’re welcome for the comparison that makes you wish you were me. I don’t want the wedding to be some huge affair. I just want a simple family party. Of course, it shall be a bit more well planned than the norm, but I do want it to be relaxed and comfortable. And it will be. It’ll be nice to have that over with. Then we can just relax.

I can’t wait to move home. Move out of unit #534. I’ll get to feel free again.

Andrei’s parents and Timmy are going up to their house about 6 or 7 hours north of here on August 11. I can’t wait. I’ll feel temporary freedom. My brain will get a preview of what is to come, of what I’ll be like when my sanity returns in November.

It feels good to feel free and open and happy for more than a few hours at a time. It really really does.

I like being outside when everyone is home. People crowd up the 1, 200 something square foot three bedroom, three bathroom townhouse quite quickly. Commotion and noise soon take over. So I come outside to the rooftop where I can see the sky, hear the birds, the traffic, the occasional person passing by, just the ambient noise of the outdoors in the semi-city. I like to read up here. I like to play Nintendo too.

I got myself a DSi. It’s pretty cool. You should get one too so we could play together one day.
I also got a dslr. A Nikon D60. It’s amazing. I like feeling like I’m getting back into myself. Back into my arts. Photography. Anything. I need to get back into drawing. I have a fresh set of Prismacolor colored pencils just sitting under my bed begging to be sharpened and used. I can’t wait to get home and use the old slr cameras my parents have accumulated. Film photography. I can’t wait to learn darkroom.

Now if only I could get back into ice skating, it would be perfect, but alas, I cannot. My body would not thank me for that down the road. I’ll have to settle for my arts. And baking. And perhaps the occasional ballet class.

When I get home, I’m going to try my hand at working at a salon. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually like it and get amazing and live my childhood dream of doing hair for movies.
Perhaps Megan and I actually will open that bakery we’ve been talking about and be successful and happily bake our days away together. Wouldn’t that be lovely too.

I know I really can do just about anything if I wanted to badly enough. All that leaves me to do is figure out what it is I want to do with myself. Or maybe, just maybe I can have all my dreams come true, just balance them out and keep them in moderation so one doesn’t take over and I one day, sit there, and wonder why I’ve become unhappy. Yes, yes, as cheesy as it sounds, I think I can do whatever I set my mind to. Now if only my mind were as easy to set as a television station.

I wash the dishes a lot.

I wish living here wasn’t such a let down. At least I got what I wanted. I got to live in southern California for a little while. Just ignore that I’m with my fiancé and his family in a unit that isn’t made for 6 grown people and it would be just peachy.

Sometimes I feel uber emo. Sometimes I’m unbearably neutral. Sometimes I’m pleasant. Sometimes I’m fine. Sometimes I’m happy even.

I feel like this chunk of time I’m out here will become a memory that I know existed, but isn’t one that I’ll recall as being particularly unpleasant, or pleasant. It will just be a memory that exists.

If I say I wish we wouldn’t have come here, that would be a lie. If we hadn’t I’d always wonder what if we did live here a bit. I do get the chance to live where I always thought I’d be happier, where I thought it would be better.

We have decided, especially now that we have a timeline set for going back, to make the best of what time we have left here. We’ll try to go out, we’ll go to the places I want to see, we’ll try to make some happy memories of the situation.

I’m glad we’ve got a plan of sorts. Kind of. Even though Andrei may not think so, his plan is more stable and planned than mine is. I’m so up in the air about so many things. I suppose I really will have to just try everything, see what sticks, see what makes me happy, and then figure it out from there. Make it work. What would be the point of waking up in the morning I’d feel like it’s just going to be another wasted day. I don’t wish that on anyone. It’s how I am now. My days off, I sit around and try to stay occupied when I wish I could just sleep it away and wake up when Andrei gets back so we could escape for a while. My days at work, I seem pleasant, but secretly, I wish I could sabotage the building, disconnect the phones, something, so I could just silently sit in the office and do things I would consider productive all day, uninterrupted by people who would like a new place to live, for whatever reason it may be. I’d rather read about photography, draw, read a book, teach myself to play piano… the list can go on and on. But leasing condos? Not really at the top of my to-do list. All I’m doing is helping the owner get even richer by leasing his expensive units. At least he’s good to us and has us go on business meetings out at restaurants, and doesn’t mind when we throw a small birthday party for each other while using the building’s money.

It’s ridiculous how much I miss having a pet. I had a cat here… for under a month. Due to technical difficulties… I had to take him back. I cried so much. That cat was my best friend here. He helped me stay sane and happier than I had been in months. And I had to take him back. They shouldn’t have let me get a cat in the first place if Nancy is allergic. Nancy shouldn’t have said she’d be okay. Apparently, if he was cuter, it would have been easier to ignore his annoying meowing… seriously? I can’t wait to have my Nilla again. To be with my Cocoa… to play and pet the Gilli. I can’t wait for Andrei and me to move out of my parent’s place eventually and get a dog of our own. Never in my life did I expect that not having a pet would affect me this much. It’s almost insane. if I tried I could probably get a doctor’s note saying I need a dog for my mental stability. It’s just so hard to be here.

I love spending time with Andrei out of here or at night after everyone’s gone to sleep. We drive around aimlessly, usually ending up at one fast food place or another… you’d be surprised at how few 24 hr places there are here. At night, lately, we’ve been playing Bust a Move on the Nintendo emulator Andrei found for PC. He got a small computer from work they were going to toss, fixed it up, and now it’s our makeshift game system. We even bought two controllers for it. It’s great.

I feel like I live in a hotel. People always around, plenty of conversations to overhear… plenty of people to watch. Courtyards that are green, but not very inviting, concrete everywhere, elevators and elevator lobbies, common areas, amenities… how strange would it be to live like this all your life. If you never knew what it’s like to live in real house. Can you imagine? It’ll be interesting to have my own house. It’ll be weird. We’ll make it nice. We’ll make it comfortable. And clean. And inviting. We’ll make it… home.

Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I hadn’t met Andrei. If we weren’t engaged. I’m betting it would be quite dull and monotonous. Whenever I start wondering, I stop soon after… when I realize I’m happy. We’re happy. As long as we get to be free. Then we are truly content. When we have restrictions on who we can be, clearly we’re not pleasant. Things can get downright hostile almost. Then we escape, think about it, talk about it, and realize how things used to be… how things will be in a few months. How we just can’t wait. We have something to look forward to.

Thanks California. For the experience. But I’d rather not get sucked into your busy, stressful bubble. I like my life more relaxing and down to earth thank-you-very-much.

<3

sunshine.

it's nice outside today. genuinely nice. sunny and decently warm. like springtime at home. except everything here has been green and blossoming for ages, is this place ever not green and full of flowers?

this past week was actually pretty good. not too many emo moments, really. except when i think about p. rasa. that's so so so sad. finding out about that was just such a wtf moment. at least she left such a positive impression on just about everyone that knew her. that's awesome. if only more people could do that.

i have concluded once again that contacts are amazing. such a thin piece of whatever it is makes my vision go from wtf is this i'm looking at to being able to see people's faces and read.

also, i'm in the mood to go to school again. i'm back to my plan of becoming a second-or-so grade teacher. my plan as of now is to be a receptionist at a salon, do hair on the side (illegally in this state... until we move back home so i can be legal), and go to community college out here, then transfer into a real school, perhaps back to lewis when we move back home. sure, it could take a bunch of years, but that's ok. i have time. and i like school.

thursday night andrei took me out to an amazing dinner. at yamashiro restaurant in hollywood. (yamashirorestaurant.com in case you're interested). they call their food 'cal-asian'. it was sooo yum. we got a seat by the window so we had a great view of city lights, hills, i got to see the moon :) for drinks andrei had a yum citrus mariti thing that he didn't finish, but i tried and it was yum and i had a 'cupid' aka. strawberry, rum, pineapple, and coconut all slushy and creamy like a daquri. appetizers were amazing crab cakes. for dinner andrei had ribs, cornbread, and mashed potatoes and i had chicken, brown rice, and long skinny green beans with teriaki sauce. we also had the waiter bring us wines to match our food. haha, our dinners sound so plain... they probably were the most boring on the menu, but it was sooo delicious. andrei was amazed at how the meat just slid off the bones. when one of the waiters noticed that andrei was keeping his rib bones on the side of his plate, he grabbed a plate from an empty table and gave it to him for the bones. the service was great. for dessert we shared an amazing little round cheesecake with fruits on top. soooo yum. as we were finishing up we overheard our waiter (who apparently matched his personality to the table he was at since for us he was really calm and professional and what not and to the other table was more interactive and lively) talking to a table a few down from us to a group of friends that were there talking to him about the minty or whatever dessert they ordered and how they should change the name to something less appealing and the waiter responded with ' i haven't let anyone order that in six months, i shouldn't have let you, i'll take it off your bill, don't worry about it'. that was cool. we spent about two hours in there just enjoying the atmosphere, the view, each other's company, and the awesome food. then after dinner, we took a walk through their little garden path next to the vallet drive up area. cute. i'd love to go there again. it was so yum and so so nice. and it was so cool that even being so dressed up we totally were not out of place. everyone was dressed up really nice. my long black halter dress with gold accents and gold strappy heels totally fit in the dining area. the indoor garden chill area? not so much. it was so strange. i walked through the indoor pond garden area to get to the restroom after dinner on the way out and it was like a totally different world. had i not walked through it i would have never known it existed. the music was different, louder, everyone in there was talking and it was just a total different place. so crazy. so separate yet so near to the more serene, dimly lit dining area. it was so nice. :)

saturday i sat on the rooftop by the barbeque areas and read for about three hours. that was nice. haven't done that in a long while.

my mom sent a picture of the crocuses blooming at home. spring. yay. i want crocuses. there aren't any where i am. it feels like it's been spring since we got here.... scratch that, since a week after we got here. the first week was hot. i want my seasons back.

i can't wait to get a job and start feeling better about being here. maybe i'll make some friends? that would be nice. i like getting out of this place. driving around randomly with andrei, going to eat, getting frozen yogurt, whatever. i just like getting out of this building complex. it's like a safe little castle. yep. i'm still rapunzel. but i'm not trapped. i have a car to use... just nowhere to go.

honey nut cheerios are good btw.

i made lemon cheesecake last night, today it will be ready to eat after having chilled overnight. yay.

i want to go out more. it's fun.

<3