just super.

this place is more boring than home.
at least there i knew where everything is and have friends.
when viktorija here it was alright because we were out doing stuff most of the time so she could see and do as much as she could while she was here, but as soon as she left it stunk.
so far all we've done is work out, jacuzzi, eat, eat at irregular dinner hours (ex between 9 and 11pm), go to church, write thank you notes, work on resumes, apply for jobs (andrei did anyway).
i haven't actually gotten to the point of declaring my bordom in yearsssss but alas, i have this past week.
so. bored.
ahh, yes you think, but i'm in california and am surrounded by things to do, places to go.... yeah, i wish.
i've only been to the cabrillo beach once, manhattan beach pier for like 10 min, and hermosa beach pier for even less in case you were thinking... oh, but you're in california, there are beaches there. you love beaches.
yes, yes i do like the beach. bah.

i'm sure i'll be skinny soon too btw. just not sure if the weekday morning workouts or lack of food will get around to accomplishing that first.
this morning i watched the food network while i was on the elliptical. lovely, no?

andrei and i made guacamole and quesadillas for dinner last night it was yum... we ended up eating past 9pm. why you ask?
because he went to change the oil in one of his dad's trucks, load some random junk into it from simona's where he did the oil change 20 min or so from home, then by the time we got back it was 7:30? food was ready around 8:30-45ish but his dad wasn't home so we waited for what seemed like forever. i was so hungry.

i want pizza. real pizza. not pizza hut or any of that junk.

i can't even get a real job doing hair like what i ummm, went to school for! because you see, i'm licensed in illinois. california needs an additional one hundred hours of school and for me to take their state board test. yes, i can go back to school, but do i want to pay for that? not really. we'll see what happens. i hate this. it feels like the last year of school was in a large part a waste. for now anyway. i'd have a job now for sure if i was still home in illinois. and i'd actually be able to do hair... not just assist... lame times ten.

oh, and you want to know the best part? andrei's father needs help bringing random stuff like matresses and random furniture, a fridge etc to the house they bought up near sacramento. so, andrei and his dad shall be leaving around 3am tomorrow. when will they be back? they don't even know, but andrei will make sure they're back saturday night.

lovely, no?
i'll be here alone pretty much.
his family is not mine. it's not the same and they don't count. plus, they're gone all day anyway with work and school.
i have nothing here.
saturday, i have to work at the building's office from 10-5 with flavia. did i get asked if i wanted to work? no. but i have to anyway. don't want to. even if i will get like, $12 an hour or something.

my plan for the next few days? sleep as long as i can, go work out as long as i can while watching random tv, watch tv online, sleep....
fun?
oh, and i probably will call my uncle like guy in santa monica so i could go over there hopefully friday or saturday or something for dinner or who knows what. and i shall call or text my cousin jeremy who is also in santa monica. maybe we can meet up for lunch. that would give me something to do with someone other than this family.

i feel like repunzel trapped in her castle. it's even more so since my and flavia's room is on the top floor- fifth- of the building. so i can look down at the ground outside with a sad face on and effecively look like a sad princess trapped in a castle.
yes, i have a car to use, but do i know where anything is? no. do i have even an idea of what there is out there? not really. do i have friends here? no.
maybe i'll just become an anorexic emo kid.
that could be a good look for a princess trapped in the fifth floor of a luxury home building, no?

just thinking about the next few days makes me want to cry. even thinking about them loading that darn truck and trailer makes me want to cry. last time andrei was gone was for his cousin's wedding back in october. i cried myself to sleep every night. for the second time we promised each other that won't happen again. last time was for last christmas (of 07). i cried myself to sleep just about every night for about two weeks then. and i also didn't eat much at all then either. i was so emo.
i hate this.
i feel so incredibly pathetic.
why.

i like the way my ring sparkles.

at least i can see trees and a hill out my window. i think i would explode if i didn't have that.

i wish i could just sleep for days. just wake me up when he comes home.

sunday is the church's post college group's super bowl party. i want to make spinach artichoke dip to bring.

hopefully this will all pass and i will be happy here eventually.
but for now, i'm not.
i'm bored out of my mind and oh so emo.

maybe just maybe this would be better if i had a pet here. a hamster, cat... anything. but i don't. they're letting me get a cat, but it has to be declawed, so it's super difficult to find. i don't even think i should get one. it would just be a hassle for everyone.

i just want to curl up under my soft, warm blankets and cry myself to sleep. and they haven't even left yet. they're loading the truck.
my guess is, andrei will be so tired when they're done that he'll just want to sleep. then i really will cry myself to sleep. then he'll leave at an unreasonable hour with his dad to 'miss la traffic' and i will try to sleep as long as i can. work out as long as i can, shower as long as i can, do laundry. if i'm brave maybe i'll try to go somewhere. i do have a gps after all. so it would be a tad difficult to get lost.
but i don't think i'm brave enough. i guess we'll see.
maybe i'll just be emo repunzel.

sorry for wasting your time.

<3