skate? dance? skate? dance?

ahhhh!

So, i really love ballet. i really love ice skating more.

MAYBE since i will be at home next school year still... maybe i can get my mom to help pay for stuff... since im not staying in a dorm or going to crazy expensive schools and all, maybe i can get her to agree to keep me in my ballet at ADC and maybe maybe start skating. again. 108th st. in orland is the best one in the whole place if you ask me- that street leads to the 2 best places in orland- ADC and the ice arena! i really want to learn how to do a double jump. a lot. but i am so torn on this... skating is expensive and more importantly- it hurts. a lot. bruises all the time and my stupid knee and ankle do not help. at all. is it worth it? since ive started ballet i havent been hurting at all yet any more than usual.

hmmm, i think i have a better chance of just taking more dance classes during the week rather than skating next semester. ik. yeah, i'll stick to that....yep... BALLET. dance. = fun!

i'm sure youre sick of reading about me wanting to skate, wanting to dance, trying to pick. well, i'm sick of it too.

theres a dance studio up in chicago that only teaches teen/adult classes. i really want to try that place out. they dont really have set schedules that you have class this day, this time every week. you can either do a drop in class or buy a card and just come whenever you feel like it and theres a class you want to take. maybe i can get some people or at least one person together and we can go up there and take a class. maybe over spring break?
its only like $13 for an hour and a half class, which is not bad. at all.

ummm, so, yea.

mexico in 27 days. i am so excited, but have no idea what to expect. nobody has told us yet what exactly there is to do there. all i ever see photos of from when my cousin nata goes down there is of them at the pool, eating, or.... just sitting outside in the sun. i'm still excited though.

i need to hang up some stuff on my walls. i have some picture frames ready- photos and all, i just havent actually hung them up yet.

ok, im done, im not even saying anything important. i'm going downstairs. probably to play need for speed.

p.s. matt nathanson is amazing. ive been wishing he would come around and do more shows, but i know, he has to be at home for at least a little bit each year, so i looked him up on youtube and got my fill of matt. its almost as good as seeing him live. you. go. youtube.com and search for matt nathanson. watch some of the videos. youll get hooked. and then go to his concert with me when he comes to chicago, usually in october. he is amazing live. so funny.
and his music is great too. i just got a few more of his songs off of itunes that i didnt have yet... princess and answering machine. theyre pretty much staples in his shows so i figured i could get them and finally know the words. so good.

that is all. no song lyrics for you today... i think you got your fill in the last post.

sunshine. snow!

<3

tea. again.

so, it has been just about a month since the last time i wrote anything here... i figure why not tonight... it's a little more productive than playing tetris on my google homepage... i get to work on my mad typing skills...

hmmm, so, i only go in to school 6 times before spring break... thats exciting. then another 2 class days... then i'm off to Mexico... even more exciting!!! then another 5 days of class and its easter break. then like 11 or so and school is over till fall. cannot wait.

so its pretty much exactly a month... 28 days... well less now cuz today is almost over... until march 16th... and you know what that means... MEXICO. i figure i can let myself get excited for that now since its coming up now finally. yeah! puerto vallarta with my grandparents and cousin Laura. i predict we will... ummm... eat food, swim, and shop... and probably come back either lobsters or very tan. i am so excited... but a little freaked that laura and i will have to make the journey home by ourselves. the grandparents are staying another week longer than us. eh, we'll survive that. i hope. ha. anyway, so excited.

so, the weather has had its fun, gave me my crazzzzy snowfall that ive been wanting, so now, i am so ready for springtime. sunshine! warmth! flowers!

so my psych test. i made flashcards with a million vocab words on em the night before test 1. i watched 'what a girl wants' and while watching the movie, within an hour i had the whole massive stack of cards memorized and got only 3 questions wrong on the test. not bad, eh?
and then on my cult & civ test yesterday... i thought i was going to do very poorly... i did a little refresher and rewrote all the important terms from the chapters covered the night before and did a little more reviewing that morning at breakfast and any stop lights i happened to stop at... i got a 90/100 on the multiple choice part and 48/50pts on my essay part. i was rediculously surprised at that. how in the world does this stuff work out so well? just amused, and decided to share, not complaining at all...

yeah. spring break is coming!!!

ballet is great! yeah! me gusto ballet. mucho. the first day i felt kind of lost since there is a lot of speedy step memorization required, so i relied very much on watching others, which wasnt too smart since they werent too amazing, so this past monday i was more ready and i think it went way better. and i came home and practiced a few times by now and i think at least the barre work will go better on monday. i think we're going to be doing different floor work this week, but the adagio we were working on i have kinda mostly memorized. memorizing dance. ik. in orchesis... the ballets- both of ashleys ballets i was in i didnt actually have memorized until like the day before the recital... anyway, i really like ballet and am super glad i ended up taking the class. maybe if it goes well i can take more classes next semester. (ADC goes by a semester schedule) learning pointe would be neat...

wow, so my painting teacher did a demo on how to paint the portraits we start working on next week... and wow. in one class hour, although it wasnt quite done, he did an amazing job on the example. just wow. so neat.

i like painting class. i finished my color square painting yesterday after the cult & civ test. i like mine a lot. its my favorite of them all.

flute lessons... i like it a million times better than voice. yay! but i really should practice more than just an hour thursday night before my friday 2 pm lesson... i would really be a lot better and such. i may just try to practice at least 3 days this week, be good at my music, and really freak out my teacher. that would be cool.

so, 'what i like about you' is one of my favorite shows. i know it stopped being made this past march, but i just started watching it last week and love it. ive liked amanda bynes since her 'all that' days, so that may be part of the reason... but i really like the show.

i wish i had more money so i could go shopping and buy anything i wanted. im going to figure out the details on my online shop thing this weekend and hopefully by spring break ill have my shop running.

i want to be at the beach. lately ive been in a 'i want to just move to california' mood. like whatever, i dont care, i just want to be there. but you know, i dont think i could, even if i absolutely loved it there. to me, its more important to have a decent house, not be rediculously overpaying for everything just because, and to be by the family. they are kind of the main reason though. theyre way cool. and i decided no matter how psycho they are, my sister and mom and even sometimes my brother are like my best friends. i cant just run away to the other end of the country on them just because. im going to live in michigan. by the beach. the beach is crucial. you have no idea.

california... i am probably, hopefully going out there for a week or two this summer. probably in july. keeping my fingers crossed on that. ive been wanting to go out there for what, 5...6 years now?

i was thinking back on what i did for my career posters 'back in the day' when they forced us to draw them up in class. in kindergarten, my career was to be a mom. and i think for a few years after that it was a teacher. nothing has changed. i guess ive known what i want to do with my life since i was 5. crazy, huh? (haha)

i need some more/new friends. i wish i actually did stuff, went around town and hung out with friends. well, first off, my people and i dont really do all that much... but i think the main cause is that our town stinks for hanging out. no little coffee places, no shops, no restaurants really... nothing much other than finally that new little shopping center on the edge of town by frankfort. the kids that grow up in the NL with that mall here will be so lucky. yeah, it will be more crowded and congested here, but at least there will be something to do.

i'm cold.

wow, so glad i did a control-c to copy my work here just in case it would get messed up as it has before. first nilla walked all over the keyboard and deleted the typing and then i pressed some unknown button that messed it up... ik. oh well! its all here.

well, i think this was a good update for ya.

ok, so i really like this song, so you just get it all at once. enjoy. and ummm, go find it and give it a listen!!!

"Pull the hair back from your eyes
Let the people see your pretty face
Try not to say anything weird

Save your questions without answers
'Til your old enough to know that things ain't as they appear
Before you go out in the sun
Cover your skin and don't get burned
Beware the cancer, it might kill you when you're old

Be first in line, raise your hand
Remember everything you hear
And playing in the rain is worth catching cold

[Chorus]
Sooner or later
We'll be lookin' back on everything
And we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
And someday you might listen to what people have to say
Now you learn the hard way

We only want what's best for you
That's why we tell you what to do
And nevermind if nothing makes sense
'Cause it all works out in the end
You're just like us without a friend
But you can build a privacy fence (Yeah)

Some things, you have to learn them all on your own
You can't rely on anybody else
Or the point of view of a source unknown
If it feels good and sounds nice
Then it's your choice
Don't doubt yourself
Don't even think twice

Pull the hair back from your eyes
Let the people see your pretty face
You know they like it when you smile (Find a reason to smile)

Try not to focus on yourself
Share that love with someone else
Don't let the bitters bring you down
Don't let anything bring you down
[chorus]"
::Sooner or Later::Michael Tolcher::

(really like that song...)

<3

tea.

i like my monday nights. watching the hills and then dancelife on mtv, drinking my tea, and knitting.

so, i do kind of have a plan now. just hope it works out how i want it to. i found a website that is compeletly free to have a subdomain and sell stuff... ecrater.com... so, when i start that up, you guys will have to spread the word about my site as much as humanly possible! haha, in every conversation, bring up inavanilla accessories! well, maybe not every conversation, but you'll have to help out a bit. please? if everything goes smoothly and works out how it should, i'm planning on getting something up and running within a month.

i'm excited for ballet to start next week!

so i'm really enjoying my new semester of class only every other day, and just coming home right after... or soon after classes. it's nice not being out all day every day like last semester. and to top it off, my classes are so much better. i'm relatively content with stuff right now. (but im still pretty sure im transferring after this semester.)

thats pretty much it. i joined up with a new group in my writing class for group stuff, which is way better. theyre a lot more on task and friendly. the others reminded me of the people i try not to associate with, so rather than just sticking with them just because thats where i started, i opted to find a new bunch. cool.

so, yeap. today was pretty chill. by the end of my last class, i am so tired, but i do believe that is caused by a warm classroom which causes my contacts to be a bit sticky, so it kind of enhances my lack of sleep. tomorrow night i'll really try to go to bed before 11 so i wouldnt be tired on wednesday and maybe actually have the energy to go up to the rec center and possibly take over the aerobics studio for a while.

oh, and what else... ummm, so it SNOWED! so pretty! this is why i like winter. oh well, its cold, get a good coat and some gloves and maybe even a scarf. deal with it. snow is so worth it!

46 days until Mexico!

"She's almost perfect/She is so close to being everything/She's almost perfect/But she's not/she's not"
Almost Perfect :: Ingram Hill

<3

snowwww

ok, so i probably overdid it a little in my last post.... but, oh well.

i just kind of want to do something. my choices- ballet/dance, skating, and snowboarding. snowboarding would be so awesome. i love to watch it on tv and would be so cool to learn.... my mom said we'll learn this winter... i just hope we actually do. but, i start ballet february 5th... that'll be something. i really do need to find a job... somehow... if i want to do either skating or snowboarding though. boarding would be cool... just something totally new and ver different from ballet and skating, hmm? ha. but if i had a choice, it would most definately be skating. but you know, today i went through so much thinking about this. i started all like, i want to skate. end of story. then i was into well, skating is expensive and i know when i get into dance, i like it and i have fun so that could be enough... but then watching the snowboarding... i was all, well that would be amazing to learn. it looks so cool. but, i dont know if i am capable of it or even if i like it, so i cant really decide for or against the snowboarding until i try it, so i really hope i get to a hill of some sort soon. i really just need to figure this all out. but i will be doing something. one of the three. oh, and not only is skating expensive... but it messes with my knee and ankle and stuff... i did a jump in the living room and landed just a bit off and my knee kind of bent funny and had a sharp pain.... thats my moms reason for me not to be skating. it hurts me. a lot. so... yeah.... we shall see. i have some ideas, but i just really have to actually try snowboarding before i can decide anything. and i really have to start up my ballet classes to see how that will work out. i have two plans. it just depends on what happens within... lets say... the next few weeks or month. i'll talk to my mom either tomorrow or tuesday.

anyway, i should get into the habit of doing homework and just school stuff in general before the night before it has to be done. i dont really like doing homework at home. i feel kind of silly... cuz like when someone passes by my room, theyre all... awww, studying? homework? ik. i dont like that. last year i got everything done in study hall. that was good. hmmmmm... maybe going to the library would work? maybe i should try that one day...? oh and plus, nilla seems to love trying to ruin papers and scratching books and trying to eat or scratch up handouts... soooo... hmmmm.
homework stinks.

for psychology we have to write about something within the past week that made us happy... i'm going to write about watching the men's figure skating nationals and that i was SO HAPPY that johnny weir not only didnt get gold, but he didnt get silver either... he got bronze. and my favorite, evan lysacek got the gold. that was definately so happy to see. hmmm... skating....

i should go to bed so i wouldnt be tired tomorrow... maybe i could actually do some dancing after class. i think the earliest ive gone to bed on a schoolnight so far was the night of the concert at like 11:20 or so? sad, hmm?

<3

skate.

so, i come to bring myself... once again to wish that my mom had not let me quit skating that first time when i was 4. if only she had made me stick it out, i could have been good. too late for that though...... i wish it was either that, or ballet. i just wish i would have started at something very early on and had become amazing at it, so i could be amazing at something now... rather than just being ok at a tom of random anything stuff. i can name off a lot a lot of things i am good at, many think that i like doing everything that i'm good at, but really, i dont. i just do some stuff because i can. i like being good at what i do, thats how i am... but only a very few that i ACTUALLY truely, honestly like to do. skating being at the top of that list, and i wish that i had only stuck it out, not been scared of trying anything harder, that could have been MY one thing. i may be alright skating... especially compared to most people... but not quite good enough. (thats why i was at the rink almost every day when i worked there. i wanted to get better... i liked trying my hardest, even if it meant a few bruises... i even went when i was sick, just to get some ice time in... stupid rink. if my job wouldnt have been so rediculously boring and lonely and so stinking far from home, i would still be there...BUT it was so boring and lonely and just too far of a drive).... if only, if only, but its much too late.

i watched the ladies and mens nationals free skate/ long program today. after watching the ladies, i was ok. but then i just finished watching mens... and now i want to skate again. for the first time in a month i miss it. thats actually the longest ive gone not wanting to skate since maybe 5th grade. yes, dancing is great and, in my opinion, much easier... but i will always love to skate so much more. always. i still do want to be able to do a double jump. i always will. perhaps one day i will learn... you never know.

maybe if i got a job... again..... i could get a coach and start to skate again? this past skating stretch was my best ever... jumps were strong, and solid... and even my spins were on the verge of good. i got the evil sit spin a few times and i taught myself the scratch spin which is so fun and the camel spin and even tried the layback. i know i can do it. i just have to actually find a way to do so. i dont really know how i can right now, but i really want to. i want to compete. for a while i thought to myself- you dont have to compete, it doesnt get you anywhere, you dont have to prove anything to anyone, just go around everyday and be the best at the everyday that you can be.... but you know, i like competing, i find it fun and i miss it. thats why i tried horseback riding for a while there... i wanted to compete... in something, anything... dancing is more show, a recital type of thing... its fun, but just not the same... i like how in skating, its all you. nobody else to rely on, nobody else there to work with, to coordinate with. its all you. thats how i am. i like doing stuff for myself, thats how skating is.

i dont really care so much that it hurts to fall, just get back up, ignore it, keep going. rest later. for now, i want to skate.

if it doesnt work out,( for skating is rediculously expensive, but if i want it enough and actually bring myself up to actually getting a job, perhaps it can happen?) i can dance... its like skating but on land, and with others to coordinate with. it can do i guess, but i want to skate. i could just say i dont care, but that would be a lie.

that is all.
goodnight.

<3

paint.

Well, first off, i should say, the concert last night was pretty amusing to say the least...
the opening band- Vega4 are pretty amazing, totally check out their music, since i am pretty sure you have never ever heard of them before.... vega4.com or they have a myspace page too. theyre great live... even on the verge of being as amusing as matt nathanson... and that is an amazing compliment i'll have you know. because matt cannot be topped in terms of live music.... anyway, they were awesome. then augustana. all they did was play music. very few words were said other than thank you very much. boooring! all of their hair looked as if it had not been washed in a month and then slept on and in need of a trim... or something. oh, and the lead singer sings with his eyes closed and looks like a rat- no joke- when he sings. funny. but, to be fair, the music was good and its cool how the one guy can play guitar and harmonica at the same time and also piano and sing at the same time. oh and afterwards, marina and i got our tickets autographed by the lead singer and drummer of vega4. cool i guess? now i have them and 2 of the guys from graham colton band autographs.... i find autographs to be kind of silly... all it is is someone's name sharpie-d on some paper or what not, but whatever, i have them. i guess its cool to see how differently they all sign their names and such.... anyway, overall, good show.

so today i got quite a bit of my painting done. i like it. all it is is a bunch of 1" squares on a canvas in various shades of green, blue, brown and eventually purples too. i like painting.

i played donkey konga.... on gamecube... with the bongo controllers.... with my feet today against my sister and still won. haha. that has to be soooo funny to see, but its funny and fun to play like that.... HAHA.

oh ok, so augustana mentioned that their song, wasteland was written either in or about chicago... i think about.... but ummmm, here are the lyrics... not so happy if you ask me....
"now I'm sitting on a plane,/ lonely flight back to LA.../don't come back with me/so I'll drink myself to sleep,/ cut my skin until I bleed/hold my breath all the night/hear the sound,/ she was naked on the ground,/ till I whispered in her ear.../come away,/ watch the dawn break through the day,/till the sun,/ is underneath.../cause it's 5 o'clock,/ the hour stops the sunlight,/the buildings shade/ the masquerade/ and kill time,/here we're nothin more than fools and whores and sad highs,/through the summer sand,/ we're living in a wasteland"

"you fit me/perfectly/so in the chorus i'll sing/what it's like to be/going out and laughing at nothing.... calling in sick so we can lay there/you and me/yes you and me/come to europe, you can see where i come from... i really like you... its a good thing we both know that/thats a good thing/you and me/perfectly/fit the chorus/so i'll sing/what it's like to be....you and me, yes you and me"
You and Me::Vega4

<3

all she wants to do is dance.

SO, Saturday i had a happy day... except my eyeballs hurt for a while....
played mario sunshine on the gamecube, beat a few levels...then went out for an hour. got a lot done. registered for BALLET class at the american dance center in orland- that place is supposedly amazing and i am so excited! yay! i hope it goes well. classes start february 5th and go til the end of may. so excited!!! then to staples to get printer ink and i found size .09 lead for my pencils... that stuff is great since i press down so hard when i write- it hasnt broken yet for me. also, i picked up my new glasses and contacts, which are great. however, when the lady put the glasses on me to make sure they fit right, shes like, you have contacts in right? so this may seem too strong... umm yeah, id say so, my eyes hurt for at least an hour after that. oh well. my glasses are cute and my new contacts are great. i went all day today without feeling like i need eyedrops!

so this semester is going SO much better than the last. painting is great. we havent actually started painting yet, but i like the class and am so excited to get started. and i talked to marius today for a bit after class. which is good. we should be talking... weve only known each other since... kindergarten after all! ha. thats what lithuanian school does. you know people. hes one of the few in my class that i could stand, but never really talked to except for maybe once the last year there (we were excempt from the history test -cuz we're cool like that you know- and we got to decorate easter eggs with wax and such instead for a few hours... it was fun!). cool kid. psychology is still amusing and should be cool once we start to get more into things. cult and civ is same ol thing, but we started off with the renaisance thank goodness... so much more intersing than the prehistoric and stone age and greek/roman stuff. writing- go figure, we're actually getting stuff accomplished. its nice. and flute i think will go quite well. yay.

so i just watched the hills and dancelife... oh shut up, i know, stupid mtv reality shows. oh well. i like watching dancelife... i like to see the dancing. so cool.

oh, so i just took a look at the lewis website for info about the rec center and it says that you can use the aerobic studio as long as theres no class in there, so i'm going to see if i can get in there after classes to work on some dancing... and to just get some dancing in in general. i miss it so much. that would be amazing if i could do that. it would get so much of my extra energy out... so yeah. i hope i can do that.

thats pretty much it for now. i guess. ive been really tired today, so i should probably get to bed soon. hey, who knows, if this dance thing goes well at ADC and using the aerobics studio, maybe i shall just stay at lewis.....?

oh and i am most definately growing out my hair.... i want it long and cannot wait til it is. please dont let me cut it! trim... maybe in a few months... just dont let me chop it off this time. please? haha. but i must say, my hair has been and is staying in much better condition since i cut it. less split ends, softer, shinier... and you know how i love that shiny(or just cool in general) hair... ;)

oh, AND did i mention i am kind of excited to go see Augustana at the Metro on thursday? well, i am! what shall i wear...

yes, i do belive it is still my favorite song, right there with Suspended by Matt Nathanson and Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's...Awake by Love.45 ... great song. you should know it and listen to it. yes you should.

"and i see you in my room/and you don't even notice i am looking at you/somehow everytime i hear your name well im falling on my face...and maybe/it's anything to be with you/and i feel you in this room/and you don't even know that girl i am so in love with you/that anytime/i hear your voice/i can die/but i don't care...am i awake/am i dreaming/i cannot open up my eyes/am i wrong for believing/that you can make me alright..."
::Awake::Love.45::

<3

class?

so today was the first day back in class... it went quite well actually. it would be awesome if the rest of the semester went like today did. other than the fact that i was rediculously tired... like it felt like i didnt even sleep at all... even though i know i did. a little. i went to bed after 11 or so and was up for a good hour and a half just laying in bed trying to sleep... then i woke up before my alarm by a little at 7. and it didnt even feel like i woke up. like i was awake that whole time. weird. anyway, teachers seem great. in psych we did some group art therapy, which was amusing... we scribbled on giant sheets of paper. writing should be better. i think we will actually get stuff accomplished and perhaps even learn something... gasp. cult and civ will be the same. so many of the students he had last semester are in his class again he said it was like a 'love boat reunion'. ha. and painting should be great. im looking forward to that. a lot. so marina has the writing teacher i had last semester. hes aweful at teaching i think, but the class is easy. everytime i walked out of there though i kind of felt like punching or strangling something... seriously, you kind of just have to actually go to the class and experience it to fully understand the extent of the frustration and waste of time it is. i am so glad to be not in that class anymore.
this whole 3 day a week thing will be great.

tommorow, i shall spend at least an hour making cards.

so, i was thinking about how that one post i was talking about how i wanted a 'best friend'... well, i have decided that i dont really care anymore. i have my sister and mom. theyre awesome. that is all. always have been and unless some freak thing happens, always will be. oh and lina, even though i dont see her or talk to her as much as id like... at all.
i have good friends other than those three. some better than others. some closer than others, but nevertheless, they are there. if any new ones come along, then great, but im fine now. really.

school next year. what shall i do. ill let you know when i figure it out. til then, im not writing about it.

so i'm actually for real in the process of finding a dance studio, so its actually going to happen, and im so happy for that. you wouldnt even know.

so today i was crazy tired and progressively more 'out of it' as the day went on, then got home, ate and was a bit better, but still should get to bed soon. anyway, at like 3:30 or so i kind of went into my crazy nonsense tired out of it - ness. kind of like that one post on here that has pieces of an im convo with marina and i still dont think much of that post makes sense because of how tired and such i was. yeah.

hey, so its cool... im learning little by little how to type the 'correct' way. yay. finally. i like watching people who are amazing at typing fast. its so neat.

lalallalallalaaaaa.

8 days til augustana concert!!!
that should be awesome.

i still wonder what happened to nick. not cool to disappear on me like that....

so..... yeah, im gonna go knit... or sleep?

"As I rearrange the songs again/This mix could burn a hole in anyone/But it was you I was thinking of/And I can't get to you" : The Mixed Tape :: Jack's Mannequin

<3

snow.

so finally it snowed today!!!
super exciting!!!
i went outside at least four times. just to go stand there while it was snowing.

so tommorow is the last day of break. i'm not even sick of it yet.

i made a tab on my google homepage devoted to countdowns...
10 days until the Augustana concert
47 days until spring break
60 days til Mexico
80 days til Easter break
109 days until the last day of class

and i am excited for them all.

so,
i like snow.
i like the beach.
...about equally
so michigan would be pretty amazing... by the beach of course. i'd get the best of it all. seasons. beach. snow.
what more can you want... well what more could i want?
i'm ready to just move now.
i want the beach. now.

i also want dance classes. tomorrow i hope i'll get into looking into that a bit more. i know of a bunch of studios... just have to get in touch with them.

im going to actually sit and make a bunch of my photo greeting cards tomorrow. that i will do.

this semester will fly by... especially with all of these crazy breaks... spring break, mexico, easter break....

and i have painting class. i hope that will be fun. !

im pretty sure i'll be getting home much earlier too so that will be good. and i only have class monday wednesday and fridays... which will be nice.

i need some new music. im getting sick of the stuff i have now. hard to imagine that, hmm? well, truth.

i have been wanting to go down to the library to take a look if they got any new cd's since this summer... all of break, but haven't yet... maybe tomorrow? probably not though.

i get my new glasses on saturday! i like them. i think ill actually wear them... out of the house.
whoa.

i like nilla. shes crazy.

i like snow.

i like the beach.

i like sunshine.

i like rain.

!!!


ok, well i'm going to go knit... maybe? i'm almost done with a brown scarf. i finished off a light blue one yesterday. whoo. go knitting.... yeah.

so i wanna learn to snowboard.... is there enough snow yet?

i want dance class more though. i really kinda want to learn pointe. maybe i'd actually get to it this time and not decide to quit right before i get to start to learn pointe. go ballet!

<3

yes.

I WANT TO DANCE!!!








that is all.

<3

christmas lights.

ok, so remind me again whose bright idea it was to wind the strands of christmas lights a million times around the trees and deep into the bushes along the driveway? oh, yea... mine. stupid! i took down like 20 or so strands of christmas lights today... and that only includes the ones that were in the front of the house and in the orchard area... not the balconies or the deck. we are crazy.

ok, so i've been wondering what to do when i get a website up for selling scarves, earrings, and cards. i have no idea how i would get people to know about my stuff and buy it. so i'm talking to marina and she did nothing but state the obvious... try to use myspace and facebook to get people to know about it. sure, why not! it quite possibly may work... i hope so. i really do not want a 'job'. i tried. didnt like it. oh well...

lol... here's what i just told marina...:
inaVanilla (12:11:51 AM): ha so since im going to try to go jobless forever.... ill be free tues and thurs all day
inaVanilla (12:11:53 AM): whoo
inaVanilla (12:12:03 AM): i hope it snows. every tuesday and thirsday.
inaVanilla (12:12:08 AM): every. single. one.
inaVanilla (12:12:14 AM): the sky owes me snow.
IdTapThat06 (12:13:20 AM): lmao...and because it owes you snow you can control it..i like that
inaVanilla (12:13:19 AM): yes
inaVanilla (12:13:21 AM): obviously
inaVanilla (12:13:25 AM): i can do anything
inaVanilla (12:13:29 AM): b/c i am me
inaVanilla (12:13:30 AM): yo
IdTapThat06 (12:14:38 AM): you know maggie started with the "yo" thing after you
IdTapThat06 (12:14:38 AM): lol
inaVanilla (12:14:35 AM): ya i know
inaVanilla (12:14:38 AM): im just that cool
IdTapThat06 (12:14:46 AM): it sounds so weird coming from her
inaVanilla (12:14:46 AM): and it doesnt form me?
inaVanilla (12:14:47 AM): haha
IdTapThat06 (12:14:57 AM): you its like...normal

how funny.

IdTapThat06 (12:18:14 AM): kristina's supercool supersecret blog of secretdum?

haha i like that too...

ummm, so i am soooo tired right now. perhaps you can tell from what i just said in my snow comment...? goodness. so tired. so tired. so tired.

so a lot of what i've said before in this. although it may be true. should not be fully taken seriously. always. all the time. not. i like doing stuff alone. sometimes too much. i like to be in my house, my yard, my bubble. sometimes i think i need people to just be around whether i want them to be or not. just so i'm not always alone. well alone with the family, which is fine. but outsider contact is good sometimes too, right? yeah.

oh and since ive been out of school for so long... i'm definately to the point of not missing anyone from there. well not really.

oh and if you are written about in my blog at any point and you didnt know this existed at the time of the writing, then well, im not going to go back and edit the entry. deal with it. if youre in here well, youre cool? no, actually its just what i think so even if it doesnt sound like its the greatest thing in the world to be said about you... if i still talk to you in real, then youre still cool in my book. unless, of course i'm pretending... you know, im quite good at that...

my phone has become practically useless. noone ever calls me. it feels sad to be simply an alarm clock for me. i like getting calls and text messages. really i do. i just dont like calling people i dont know.

i need some new friends.
any suggestions?
maybe ill meet some when i visit rachel. duh, of course i will. and then more when i visit lina... cuz obviously... im bringing lasinieciai with me when i do. and apparently they all love that food. so yeah.

im so tired.

i like swiping my debit card at stores when i bought stuff. thats one thing i liked at work... the people and that i got to swipe cards in the machine.

so tired.

i think i'll do yoga before going out to orland tomorrow... you know, i think ill do that afterwards. yeah.

oh, so plans are set to go visit wartburg. i leave with rachel on sunday and come back sometime tuesday. i'm excited. i hope i like it there. it will be interesting. i'm looking forward to it. yes. rachels excited too... to show me around and have me meet everyone. itll be fun. yes.

ok, well im rediculously tired. so if any of this didnt make sense, sorry. try to make sense of it. or just enjoy. yeah. sure. right. sleep....

"Hey there Delilah/I've got so much left to say/If every simple song I wrote to you/Would take your breath away/I'd write it all/Even more in love with me you'd fall/We'd have it all" : Hey There Delilah : Plain White T's

<3

yeah, so.

so i just went to the lewis website to do who knows what. ik. ik. lewis. ik. but anyway, second time ive seen it since they updated- thank goodness, at least it looks presentable now. anyway, so theres one photo on the top bar photo slideshow thing... of a place with books. i presume the library? it bugs me because i have no idea where it is and ive been at that school for a semester. there are no secret hidaway corners or cool places to go. it must be the library... but where? ive been there a zillion times to sit and do homework or just be online and have never seen that spot. i hate how they make the campus look so nice on the site. then you go there. sure it looks the same as in the photos... but all the buildings look the same. and the photos you see with people sitting around outside smiling? lies. the campus is like a ghost town after classes are over unless people are wandering to go get food or visit one another or something. seriously. its so sad because the place *is* quite nice... park-like actually.

so today was good. im a little sore from doing my yoga every day, but its getting better. thank goodness yoga doesnt make you all muscle-y. that would be gross. muscle-y people look weird and gross. eeew. it just feels like my arms are gaining muscle/strength, which i guess is good, to an extent... and i know my legs are very strong and wont change. gross-ish, but oh well... could be worse. being 'toned' is good, muscle-y is gross. big difference there...

so im procrastinating now. but i really shouldn't be. i have to call wartburg admissions tomorrow to talk about what not and formally set up a visit i guess. so i was making a list of things to ask, but darn tabbed internet window.... the other open tabs- facebook and blogger were just begging me to go there instead of doing anything productive.

so, of what i had to get done today... i... ummm... emailed wartburg... and ummm... called brooks back after a week.... and that is it. i talked to my mom a bit. i so do not want a job, so i am seriously going to *hopefully* start up a website to try to sell my stuff- earrings, cell phone 'earrings', scarves, greeting cards. i would so rather be doing that. so, hopefully i can get that going. soon. finally. !

my watermelon striped scarf is *almost* done. its pretty neat.

i want to learn guitar. now. i want to be good. its hard though. ive tried. maybe i shall try again tomorrow.

call courtney. i really should. soon.

ha, i should play some flute too.

tomorrow my mom decided viktorija, algiukas, and i shall be taking down christmas decor. at least itll be a super nice day, so i get to be outside... AND my mom found the sport ball inflator. finally! so i get to fill up the flat basketballs and play! its going to be near 50 for the next few days, so might as well go outside and enjoy it.

so this evening was hilarious. at dinner my brother said something to me, which i think was intended to be an insult, so i responed by saying 'that didnt make sense and it was mean'. then the rest of dinner vik and algiuks kept saying that. then later on, algiuks was in viktorijas room watching tv and vik and i were in the living room. vik wanted to go in her own room so she said they should trade tvs and he gets the living room. rather than cooperating... that would be too simple and logical... he put the tv remote in his pants and started running around. vik and i decided it would need some disinfecting... lysol, or better yet, to be burned... so vik went to the cleaning closet and pulled out all of the spray things of air freshener we own. she then proceeded to spray each of them to pick the best smelling one. she likes the citrus by the way... anyway, so we have one thats lavender and cammomile scented...relaxing... so vik decides, hey 'lets spray the lavender and cammomile one on him... he could use some relaxing'... as he is running around that center part of the main floor... you know, where the fireplace is. it was so funny. you kind of just had to be here this evening, but still. so funny!

ummm, so i'm running out of stuff to say. kind of.

so youd think id be bored by now... 3 weeks of break down, 2 to go... pretty much anyway... but im not bored. enjoying it actually. goodness i dont want to go back to... lewis...

yea, so i shall get back to my list now. i like making lists... but very rarely follow them, use them, or look at them for longer than it takes me to write it up. it helps me think and remember stuff though... if i write it down, i remember it for longer, so its good i guess, hmm?

"Hey there Delilah/I know times are getting hard/But just believe me girl/Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar/We'll have it good/We'll have the life we knew we would/My word is good" : Hey There Delilah : Plain White T's

<3

ok, so.

so i guess 3 people know about this blog and at least 2 of them read it. i forgot sandy knew about it... until i read comments. oh well!

oh and by the way, in response to sandy and rachel's comments about my 'hyper' side? : that was not so much the *hyper* side... but the *real* side of me that usually only comes out at home. ha scary, hmm?

so, last night when i was *trying* to sleep... i couldn't. i was thinking about what i had written... i guess being relaxed and being stress free are quite different. or so i decided. im stress free, not relaxed. there we go.

oh, and also, i thought a bit... about writing so much in this blog thing. i definately do not want to be like those psychos that write everything and anything down, just to get a response and some feedback. i originally didnt want to start a blog... because well, i was fine with not sharing anything. just keeping to myself as always. in a way though, since ive started this, ive become more myself around my friends... dont know if this has to do with anything, but it is definately a good thing. i just dont want to be one of those people who must check with friends for some feedback about everything. but you know, i think i'll be ok... because i'm not like that. i dont need feedback and reassurance. i do what I want. not what others want me to do or think is best. i like to think that i'm like that anyway.... i hope i am... for the most part anyway. ha so that kind of sounds like some rambling if youve ever heard it...

also, today has started out well... after being up at 10:20 or so, and being up for an hour or so, i had already done a 40 minute yoga thing and taken a shower.
thank goodness the sun is out. it just makes everything better. i woke up before the alarm at 11... usually i would just lay there and sleep again maybe, but i saw the sun and it just made me smile. hah, i could totally move to colorado just because there is snow, a summer, and lots of sun... but i would soooo miss the beach, but its not like i go to the beach that often, so would i really miss it? we'll see.

what else.... nothing really. i need food.

i have to do stuff today... call courtney, brooks, buckle... set up a lesson time for flute, ask about french class, get out of writing class, and get in touch with wartburg about stuff. will i get it all done? most likely not, but i can try to think i will.

"Oh it's what you do to me/What you do to me" : Hey There Delilah : Plain White T's

<3

sleep?

ok yes, so i know i said i'd go to sleep, but i guess myspace and facebook are procrastination tools for sleep too. sad, i know, but anyway... well.... oh rachel.... that is all.

i think part of the reason i cant relate SO well is that i feel so emotionless most of the time. stuff happens all the time. good, bad, funny, gross, weird, awkward... what not, yet i remain unchanged. i think that may be why i am so "psycho" sometimes. i add some interest and life into what would otherwise be a vey boring person. i am so trying to change that, but its not so easy to just wake up one day and say, hey, im going to be more emotional. nope. wont happen. major stuff can happen, yet i just move on. i guess that can be good, for the sense that nothing affects me very much and i can just go about my day not worrying about anything. that is why i am never 'stressed' about anything. that is why i have such a do whatever you want, have some fun, spend the extra bit of money, take a chance attitude. may as well, since it wont really affect my feelings. very rarely will you find me honestly upset... and if you do, it doesnt last very long. very rarely will you find me fully very excited or happy. usually im in my happy middle. perky, awaky, happy, calm, whatnot. i guess you just have to really know me and be around me. a lot. to really pick up and understand what i'm trying to say. honestly though, i dont think this is a very good thing, no matter how nice it sounds to have such a relaxed, stress free life. it just cant be good.
although, i do think everything through before i do anything, very rarely do i take a chance.
at least im not crazy and will just do *anything* just because i feel like it.

i think its partially because i always am sitting at home, dont nothing. my normal day consists of eating, yoga, tv, eating, and not too much else. over the summer, throw in some basketball- alone- and some reading... just so i would get outside in the sun. i love the sun.

i dont like the city. its ok to visit, but i dont think i could live there. its gray and smelly and dirty... but there is quite a lot to do.

i would much prefer to live in a small town. one that is established and cute and friendly. i want to be a teacher in a small school. preferably by the beach. i was hoping to go up to michigan in the area where my uncle lives, but on christmas eve i learned that theyre building the second largest casino in the country in that very area. i dont want that, so i will just have to settle for somewhere else. i suppose.

honeslty though, i could deal with living in the city as long as i have a good view, lots of windows, a nice apartment/ house, a good job, and friends. i am just worried that after im done with school i will have no friends. everyone's going to get all split up and move wherever. then you start all over. again. i dont know how to make friends. thats why i need school. with people i can get along with. it is so important to me to at least have friends now, while its easy to make them and keep in touch.

ok, seriously, its late...well... early? 2 am. i need sleep. and tonight i have pretty much written about SO MUCH that i never thought or expected to put in a blog. i feel like im sharing my feelings too much. i feel like i should just stop. but why should i? isnt that the only way to get yourself out there and have friends that understand? you know? you kind of have to put out your feelings... be vulnerable, in a way, to really get anywhere. and although, right now, only 2 people know about this blog... (whoo...) and i think only one of them really reads it, i think. i think this is good, for when i find someone else to read this all and they truely care to read. everything i have written and have to say. it would be good.
so yeah, im so done right now..... i *really* need sleep

<3

so, you think you know me.

well, i would write more often, but i only do at night or when nobody is home because, well, i don't want my family knowing i have a blog. they make fun of blogs and people who do write in them... i personally don't like spilling out what i'm thinking, but i suppose if i only tell those who i can, well i guess trust with my thoughts, that this blog of mine exists, i'm alright. oh, and the family- they shouldn't know because they spend enough of their time laughing at me or as they would say 'with me'... they don't need another thing to add to their list. I guess i would laugh at myself too if i wasn't me... but i am who i am and i find it more fun that way and lucky for my family i am that way- the house would be very dull otherwise.

anyway, so i just read rachel's blog about wishing she had that one close friend that everyone seems to have and decided to write my own. same topic. slightly different wording and view. it may seem like rambling, but for once i'm going to get it out. if not into spoken words, than it shall be in typed words.
well, i too wish i had that one 'best friend' i've always wanted that. that one person you could go to no matter what is going on- for either one of you. even if the other is busy, they'd pretty much drop everything to be there for you. (one example, well a bad one, but one nonetheless, is after i went to quit choir at the start of this year. i thought i'd be ok, i saw rich on the way there but had a bad attitude and a bad feeling about it, he said it'd be ok and gave me a hug... sure ok... then i go in to talk to him. geez, that music director at lewis is horrible. he has this way of talking to you. same as my step uncle ed. its horrible. just horrednous. anyway, so i went back to the dorm where i hang out all the time just to go somewhere- to a base, you know? i needed to talk to someone, so for some unknown reason, i called rich. why? reflex. too much time spent with the kid. i know i sounded very upset. i kept saying i hate everything and i quit everything. something like that. he said he'd call after he has lunch with his friends. who does that? i would have dropped whatever i was doing to see the person. even if we werent super close. right? so, then i went up to maggie's room as per usual. i just sat in 'my corner' of her room and after a bit, called my mom and cried and talked it thru to her while maggie just sat there doing her homework or something. who knows. its maggie. anyway, rich never got back to me. i later found out that he did try to call, but it kept going straight to voicemail or something- just not working. and yes, i do believe him. we both know that our phones for some reason just do not like each other. theyre cursed. i promise. anyway, if iw as him though, i would have found me to see what was up. he knew where to find me. at the time i was almost always in maggies room. i was in the maggie 24/7 stage of lewis. anyway, i just had to get that story out. enough. there are so many more stories about that kid. just not worth it right now. more important things to do...) anyway, back to the friend thing. i have always wanted that, yet always been in a larger group... various ones depending on the school and the year. within the group i always felt like the leftover. everyone else within was closer and i was just kind of... there. in kindergarten though, i do believe i had a lot of friends. i remember reccess was good. in haines i always floated between the 'popular kids' and the other in between group. i would either play with the girls and such on the map or go play tag. i preferred tag. at oakview, i started out floating between the same 2 groups, but towards the end totally switching to a group with laura patterson and such. we would either stand around and talk during recess- the bunch of us- or find any possible way to stay in from recess and help the teacher with stuff in the classroom. anything to keep from going outside. martino i had two groups too kind of. laura and her friends at lunch- 8th grade anyway. 7th grade i ate with just me and megan and lindsay, maybe one other person. we had a whole chunk of table, usually even 2 tables to ourselves. meg and i got really close, then high school happened and she never went to school anymore, so i think we kind of grew apart. i dont think i really had friends in high school until senior year. i saw everyone as kind of aquaintances. courtney from gym class and then sandy, rachel, and rachel. i really need to call courtney. soon. we promised to keep in touch. at lewis... hmmm... well i started out thinking i'd be best friends with maggie, but then she met marina and marina and i became friends more so than those two and maggie has become annoying and now marina and ashley and i try to avoid her. mean, yes, very much so. marina and i got very close very quickly. which is great... but. she has her one best friend. she has lauren. i cant replace her. never ever. so. thats how it is. oh and all through lwc every year i was in study hall with nick. every year. we eventually became very good friends. but towards the end of the four years, i began to see a trend with what i was doing with him and now realize i'm doing this a little with marina, but much worse and more obviously with nick... as soon as i start to get close and we talk a lot about everything and hang out and stuff, i start to in a way excommunicate them, cut them slowly out of my life. again, this isn't so bad with marina, but i feel it a little bit. its sad, but true. and i dont know why. just them so far though. luckily. although, nick has fallen off the face of the earth. i havent talked to him since mid summer. we had planned on playing tennis before school. what happened to him? so strange. anyway, so back to the point- i just wish i had that one best friend of sorts. close, but not quite. it is good to know that i have a small bunch of people that are good friends though. goodness, at least i'm not like those people that are friends with a million different people, but just barely enough to have meaningless conversations with them. i would much rather have just a few close friends and thats it than a million kind of friends. but sometimes, i wish i could know what its like to have that million friends... but even they seem to have one person to fall back on. i guess thats what i would expect to find in a boyfriend- to have someone to go to that is just there. but they are just temoprary. even that i dont really want... we'd just break up. thats how everyone else ends up, dont they? i guess thats good then that im boyfriend-less, hmm? id just have that mentality that its temporary, we'd just break up in the end anyway, so what's the point? goodness, how i'd wish that could change. it will one day i'm sure of it. just not anytime soon i guess.

oh, so the christmas party was great, as i had mentioned. SO FUN. even though pretty much less than half the people came, it was nice. the white elephant-ish game was kind of lame, but oh well. i had a nice time and i think, i hope everyone else did as well.

shopping with rachel was fabulous. haha. we spent what, five or six hours in orland, most of which were at the mall. goodness, we were so so so tired at the end of the day, yet somehow managed to make cell phone charms.. or as i call them cell phone earrings... and watch freaky friday... and play donkey konga. very good day. yes, yes it was.

those two days were the best in a long while.

so tomorrow i suppose i'm calling the manager at buckle to see if he's still up for setting up an interview for me. he said theyd be hiring after the first... and well, tomorrow is the second. i need something to do. so i suppose a job would be a productive waste of time, hmm? i wish money wasn't necessary. its so silly when you think about it. trading paper or chunks of metal in return for various goods and services? or even better- an invisible money as used by checks or swiping a credit or debit card. the concept is so amusing. why cant we just have what we want? have a job for fun, to pass the time, to make a difference by choice, not the necessity to get money in return?

i think i'll order myself a bracelet - one of those bright orange ones that say 11:11 am on them that support children's leukemia. also, id really like to start to seriously only buy makeup that is not tested on animals. if im going to use makeup, might as well.
i dont know... but does just one extra person caring make a difference? sure, eveyone always says, almost clone-like, you can make a difference. yeah, sure. alone?

i like clothes. i like dresses and shoes and skirts and shirts and purses and shoes... oh and sunglasses! but why must everyone desire the expensive designer stuff? although, i must andmit, i refuse to buy target shoes for two reasons. one- they usually do not fit. and two- i refuse to even try on the ones that i can recognize as imitations of the more expensive, better quality shoes such as steve madden. steve madden shoes are amazing... and i can totally pick out which target shoes are imitations. no offense to target though, it is a good store. i wish i's shop there more often. that and kohls. i wish i'd shop there more too- you can get some great deals on cute stuff sometimes. although, looking through, i can see what is worth it, what is comprably priced to stuff at the mall or old navy at a better quality, so often times i walk out empty handed. the ONLY place i can buy jeans is at buckle. its the only place i've found where they fit. theyre expensive, but if it fits and its cute, may as well just hold your breath and buy it. oh, but totally within reason. no way am i spending more than $60 or $70 on a pair of jeans, $20 on a shirt, $60 on a hoodie or $40 on a sweater or $30 on a purse. any more is just rediculous and most of the time i get stuff for much less. i don't buy stuff for full price very often. i have to really like it to do so, and even so i really consider if i really really want it.

anyway, enough about my... shopping habits... ummmm.... oh, goodness do i not want classes to start again. i. do. not. like. lewis. i still have to switch up writing for french...

and i am so excited to be visiting wartburg. it sounds like such a nice place. i just hope i like it in reality as much as i want to like it. i am so glad that rachel is genuinely happy about me seriously considering going there. *if* i do go there i wouldnt want to feel like im jumping in to her world and what not, but that wouldnt happen... i don't think anyway. i just have to visit before i make up my mind about anything. before i get too excited. before i get my hopes up. before... just the sooner the better. i dont really know where else to go though. my cousin laura's school sounds nice, but they dont have as many activities- organization wise... and they dont have jewelry/ metals class. i love making jewelry. that was my absolute favorite class last year. well, we shall see. thats all i can say.

i really must start getting to sleep earlier... sleeping until my phone alarm goes off at eleven a.m. is kind of absurd. a waste of a morning. a waste of daylight.

what kind of winter is this? it should be high 40's low 50's all week... whats up with that? i want snow!

oh, yoga is great. i love the new dvd. i the joy of yoga part is ok... i have to get used to it i think... the fat burning part of it is so great though. i did that today and i like it. ha. its the fat burning one but whatever, i like it, its more fun i guess. yoga is good. quiet, relaxing, yet energizing. i've been doing it everyday lately and plan on continuing to try to do so... butnot so sure how i will once i go off to school next year. perhaps i can have a club of some sort that would meet at like 6 am or sometime random in the afternoon after classes to do yoga everyday. mornings would be better... like i said- relazing, yet energizing. perfect to start the day. id love to be doing yoga right when i wake up now, but im just so tired waking up to an alarm... and so late in the morning at that.

so, that being said, i shall go to bed now. finally. after an hour or so of typing. it's 1:24am

heres more of hey there delilah.... love this song... so much.

"Don't you worry about the distance/I'm right there if you get lonely/Give this song another listen/Close your eyes/Listen to my voice it's my disguise/I'm by your side" : Hey There Delilah : Plain White T's

<3

quick one.

so, i just wanted to say how glad i am that i actually had my little christmas party. even though it was just viktorija, sarah, algiukas, mykolas, sandy, rachel, lina, and me... it was a really nice evening and i had A LOT a lot of fun.
finally, after knowing sandy and rachel for so long already, i'm being pretty much myself-myself around them for the first time ever. i think i'm just letting go of that insecurity/ shyness or whatever you'd call it and just letting myself be myself- out of class. thank goodness. its so much simpler... and much more fun. especially with these two, i'm ok. i know they don't care and will accept my insane-ness because they can be too sometimes... just not so sure to the extent that i can be... unless its harry potter! i think with some people i will never be able to be as relaxed and myself as i can be with others like rachel and marina and lina. its just different. just that unexplainable vibe you get from some people. hmmm, not going to get into unexplainable feelings about some people though. just don't want to now. you can go ahead and ask me though next time you see me if you remember. i told rachel some of this drama story at the beginning of the school year (if she remembers)... oh, but it just got better and better... interest wise, not in actuality... for me.
ANYWAY, tonight was AWESOME. i shall write more later, after tomorrow... shopping with rachel!

One of my FAVORITE songs ever its just so... sweet, and pretty... hey there delilah by plain white t's... i like the lyrics so much i'll use this song little by little through the next few posts...

"I'm a thousand miles away/But girl tonight you look so pretty/Yes you do/Time Square can't shine as bright as you/I swear it's true" : Hey There Delilah : Plain White T's

<3

waiting.

so, i'm waiting for lina to get here.
rachel said i don't update very often... so i'll put something in now. i'll put more in for sure after tomorrow.

waiting stinks. i like having everything planned and to know the exact-ish time stuff will happen so there's very little waiting.

so my first ever, long awaited, 'post christmas christmas party' is today. it should be cool, but too bad so many people can't come. as if theyre dropping like flies. maggie- i didnt ever expect a response. she already said she wouldnt come last time i talked to her a few weeks ago. marina said she'd come for sure, but now she may not b/c of family issues. rachel is still coming (yay). sandy is hoping to come, but she's ill, so may be late or even not come. rachel t probably won't, but may. lina will! she's almost here! megan now can't b/c she can't breathe very well and its hurting her a ton. anne 'might' come, hopefully will. jessica i haven't heard from, so maybe?. my cousin laura already told me on tuesday she won't make it b/c her brother gave her the flu. viktorija's friend sarah probably, maybe won't come b/c she is now sick too. what is with this... this plague of sorts? oh, well so we may not be able to play capture the flag b/c of the sick people/ not enough people. we also may not be able to do the gift exchange/white elephant thing b/c not enough people. so lina just imed me and she's just leaving now. so she'll be here in an hour or so or less. ok, well at least i know now more precicely when to expect her, so i can go do stuff.

i had an omlette for breakfast with corn and cheese in it and a blueberry waffle too. yum!

oh, so i'm SO EXCITED... marina and i are going to the augustana concert jan. 25th at the metro. it'll be good. i saw them at millenium, park before the fray came when i went with megan and rachel. they are good! except that concert was outside and there were a ton of people and it was super super hot and sweaty and sticky out. this one will be better, especially in that respect. augustana!

ok, well my mom just got home, so i'm gonna go do stuff around to prep for people later. i promise i'll write more soon-ish!

"Drive the beach when it gets late/Moonlit night/Summer skies/We align with the ocean spray/'Cause tonight/I'm down/For whatever" : Down for Whatever : The Summer Obsession

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afterthoughts.

hmmm, afterthoughts, that was a good store, i wish it still existed... anyway,

so, i'm looking forward to seeing rachel tomorrow, i think we will actually have stuff to talk about. i hope it'll be a nice time.

i was just looking at my old blog... from like 2 years ago... weird, but i still remember what happened that i wrote about pretty well, but reading it from when it actually did happen is cool. and what i like about what i did for the blogs then is that i added a random song lyric to the end of the post. i think i'll try to start that up again. maybe, but not this time. i like song lyrics.

well i guess thats it. gilmore girls?!

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a whole lot of thinking.

So, i was thinking the other day, about some stuff that i had previously said about oh i wish i was this n this n this, whatever, well.....
i decided, that i like who i am. i don't want to participate more in class- i like just listening and soaking it all in and just taking notes and watching it all, i like being as unpredictable as i am- it keeps things more interesting- for everyone- i suppose, i like being so energetic so often, i like randomly running around, dancing and jumping, i like having eveything planned out to the last detail- most of the time, i like being silly, i like sitting in corners- even if im not in a bad mood or tired (but often do because i am), i like to get excited over little things, i like enjoying the sun, rain, and snow- even if it means getting wet, i like only having a few friends, i like taking the occasional chance, i like spontinaity- (oh, heres one though-) i just wish there was more of that and i'd allow for it... i guess now that i think about it, i really am quite content. really.

so, i just have one change of plans potentially, i hope i like snowboarding- i'd love to be on the team at school next year, and then i could take dance classes for credit- since their dance department is so great they have all kinds of stuff- including the basic technique classes for tap, ballet, jazz, and modern. i'd love to do BALLET! and jazz. i love watching snowboarding. i just hope i like it. i just want something new.

and as for break, its been a week, feels like its been a month, and yet i'm not bored of it yet. i would be going ballistic though if i had gone away for school and gotten used to sharing a room and having people to hang out with pretty much around every imaginable corner, nearly just overflowing the buildings, and then gone to nobody around. i'd be going through such separation anxiety of sorts. i think. maybe. it would be strange for sure though. a tranquil, relaxing, nice strange though.

so, i just checked my online banking... my last pay check thing has been put in from the ice arena. i left on the 5th. simply because it took far too long to get there from home and i was sick of pretty much being alone at the front desk with nothing to do but homework the whole time. i dont like being alone when you know there are so many people around. its too bad though, the manager got so many compliments about me and i guess i was even mentioned as being one of the 2 best employees at the rink during the meeting the staff had, which i missed. the manager even said that he liked me better than his own kids. a bit weird, but cool i guess...? and he absolutely hates kids. and then he said that if i ever want to, just to give him a call for a job and he'll hire me back in a second. cool. thats really good. surprisingly, i dont miss going to work though... i liked it for the parts of the night when i did get to talk to people- especially the zamboni drivers. they were so amusing. one in particular- i dunno if its out of the ordinary for a guy to o this, but he noticed that my nailpolish changed colors (when i had the rainbow polish on) and made a polite comment about that, and he commented about my shoes one day- when i wore different ones than my usual. i just found that a bit out of the ordianry for a guy to do. so i thought i would miss the 3 zamboni guys that were there tues. nights, the random Brooks, and Kelly- he would randomly pop in to the office just to say hi to me. really i dont miss them at all. well, i guess jason and kelly, well brooks too.... i guess i do miss those guys a bit now that i think about it. ik. i guess i was just avoiding thinking about it. oh well. i guess.

well, i kind of want to watch some gilmore girls not sure if i will though, we shall see what i feel like doing in like 5 min. so, laterz
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ha

so that last post i put up, of the one i wrote in november, i quickly skimmed it and wow, that was from when i wanted nothing to do with school and to just be a hairstylist. my, how i've changed my mind in such a short time. just one month ago. i'm glad a changed my mind to how it is now... i like my plan. i just needed to convince myself of it. again. ha, i change my mind a lot, don't i? oh well, thats how it is. i make up a plan, then un-convince myself of it, then plan something new, then usually go back to the original. i just need that time to think and realize that what i want in the first place is indeed what i want.... b/c now i'm totally back to my original intention with schooling- elementary ed, art, and skating. because that is really what i want. no matter what i say. that is it. and that is what i will get. and i'm looking forward to it. next year.
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